some thoughts

Some time ago..during my usual lunch with an usual partner J...suddenly she turned to me and asked "do you ever feel ...you just absolutely hate your life?" I looked at her...and before I even thought about it...she started telling me about how she hates her life right at this moment. Wondered what would make a person hate life? Striking statement I thought...especially for the reasons that she was sharing with me. But then it got me to think about myself lately...how I was hating some of the situations that I was in....having lack of control...hating the difficulties that seems to be so unfair. Soon I felt ashamed for sympathizing her...or rather judging her for being a non-christian who couldn't see anything else than being irrational and hating her life. I almost wanted to tell myself that I have more legitimate reasons to feel this way... derogate from my belief...but no way I am capable of being justified in God, who commended us to be joyful always. but ALWAYS? Totally inconceivable in my capability when I am physically seeing my beloved suffering so greatly....over and over again...all the hopes being crushed again and again. And this lead me to question myself...whether I would have this kind of grieves if it was for someone else...? and surely I would not...and I've been vainly thinking that no one else would either! But what I am asked to do is to love my neighbors more than myself... show kindness and compassion just like Christ...Is this what God trying to teach me? Because I am so far from what I am created to be? It sure is easy to tell others that God does not allow mooring...that he did not intend you to be comfortable...but it truly is hard to tell myself that.

And this is for my friend A....finally. hehe...

1. Four Jobs I had
a. Cashier at parents store
b. Intern at Radisson-horrible experience for one whole year
c. Computer lab assistant
d. Starbucks

2. Four things I wish I had Done Earlier in My Life
a. Studied hard in HS
b. Continued learning flute
c. Learned to dance
d. Involved in college ministry

3. Four places I lived
a. Seoul
b. Houston
c. Rhode Island
d. Boston

4. Four countries I've been to
a. Honduras
b. Mexico
c. Panama
d. Virgin Islands

5. Four Countries I'd like to Visit:
a. Italy
b. Turkey
c. Germany
d. Egypt

6. Four of my Favorite Dishes
a. Sushi
b. Bibim Nangmyun
c. kimchi jjigae
d. pasta

7. 4 sites I visit Daily (actually visit most often)
a. work related
b. myutmost
c. cnn.com
d. weather.com

8. Four Software Applications I Can't Live without
a. Internet
b. excel
d. ms word
e. Korean Language Pack

9. Four Things I'll never Forget
a. childhood friends in Korea
b. First time living at dorm
c. First race
d. Meeting S

10. I Tag...
a. Temommy
b. eunah
c. bo
d. annibelle